Devil's fish: I am the Antichrist
By Robert Urbanek
In a dream I had in September of 2000, I was under the control of Satan, who was making my life miserable. I was stooped over and could feel the weight of his power on my back. His method of control was very clever and seemingly foolproof, but as the dream progressed I forgot the secret of how he exercised his power. I also had a vague recollection that he had a female companion.
The devil then turned me into a fish. I remember swimming in a small stream and thinking that being a fish wasn't so bad. But as soon as I grew accustomed to this form, I was turned back into a man. Now I was in a fish restaurant accompanied by a small boy. I am carrying a tray with fish dinners for both of us. As I walk down the aisle, I see an angry man in a booth who I realize is about to trip me or shove me down. However, as the man gets up to attack me, he is thrown to the floor by some invisible person, who hits the man with invisible punches. I realize that the invisible man is the devil, who is now protecting me.
Next, I see the devil standing in a pitch-black room under a bright light, which puts him in great agony. His dark clothing begins to change. First he is dressed as Superman, next as Batman, then as a football player. As the football player, he starts running down a field with the ball and is knocked out of bounds.
What did Satan look like before being transformed into a superhero? I don't recall an exact face but he did not have horns, a tail, a pitchfork or any of the cartoon features usually associated with the devil.
Last Supper As the fish is a symbol representing Christianity, the dream seemed to suggest that I am the devil's fish and, thus, the devil's Christ or Antichrist. The fish dinners, suggestive of the Last Supper, symbolize my divinity, which I am sharing with the boy, who represents a future generation. The devil who had tormented me has now become my "hero" after being exposed to the Light of God. Satan will defend me against attacks and "carry the ball" for me.
I wonder how long Satan has been following me. In 1961, while on an extended visit among relatives in Texas, my mother bought me a devil costume for Halloween. At one stop, I was met at the door by a priest who gave me a $5 bill with the comment, “I always wanted to do this.” My mother was aghast that I would accept money from a priest and seemed unaware of the irony behind the gift. She thought I had knocked at the door of the rectory, although in the dark the house seemed like an ordinary residence. She tried to return the money the next day, but the priest refused the offer. It was time for the Catholic Church to give the devil his due.
While serving as a reporter on the Cal State Long Beach newspaper back in the early 1970s, I interviewed the cultural director, who said his job was at risk and depended on the success of the upcoming Renaissance Faire on campus. After the fair, which did well, he called me on the carpet, berating me for falsely reporting his position had been at stake. I felt very humiliated although I thought I had made accurate notes of our conversation. As I recall, a few days later he was seriously burned when he used lighter fluid to stoke the flames in a fireplace. Perhaps those who obstruct or humiliate me will suffer their own hell.
Change In the 1999 movie The Omega Code, conspirators with a hidden agenda use computers to translate the “Bible Code,” a series of messages hidden in scripture, particularly the apocalyptic Book of Daniel and Book of Revelation.
Casper Van Dien portrays Gillen Lane, a motivational speaker with a Barack Obama message: “My goal is simply to create an environment to see change in peoples’ lives . . . We are the higher power.” In a Tom Cruise-like appearance on a female-hosted talk show, Lane jumps over a sofa and exhorts the audience, “Somebody out there say ‘change’!"
Lane is tempted by the Antichrist, a European tycoon and politician, Stone Alexander, played by Michael York. Alexander tells Lane, “Like you, I’d like to create a climate to foster change in peoples’ lives.” Of course, the Antichrist wants to use Lane’s “change” message for his own purpose. I too have used Obama’s “change” to achieve my ends.
Alas, The Omega Code suffers from its determinism. It’s hard to hate the Antichrist when his every move is scripted by scripture. What kind of villain lacks free will?
Mark of the Beast In 2008 I consulted an urologist regarding a small lump in my scrotum. A test confirmed it was benign. The lump gradually grew larger, especially after my hernia surgery in June 2011, and is now about the size of a testicle. Thus, I have three dangling orbs that resemble the number 666. My urologist said my observation was crazy. Still, it might provide an interesting anecdote at an urologist convention.
Although 666 in considered an ominous number in the West, particularly among conservative Christians in the United States, the story is much different in China, where the number 6 is considered lucky and even more so when the number is tripled. Thus, you will often see the number 666 throughout China. People will pay extra money to have 666 included in their phone number or on their license plate.
These opposing views of 666 may be reflected in geopolitics. Given the rise of China and the seeming moral and political decline of the United States, one might conclude that the appearance of the Antichrist will be good luck for China and bad luck for America.
Springtime for China and Antichrist
Winter for US and Trump
What would the Antichrist drive? In November 2002, the Evangelical Environmental Network (EEN) launched its "What Would Jesus Drive?" campaign, hoping to persuade the public and the auto industry that safe, fuel-efficient vehicles met a Biblical mandate to protect God's world and its people. The question brought quick derisive responses from the right wing, which suggested that Jesus, being a carpenter, would have bought a pickup truck large enough to carry all his tools or would have purchased two SUVs to transport his apostles.
The EEN, like any close-knit group of like-minded people, had no one among them who could have served as a "devil's advocate" to point out the potential flaws in their campaign.
My own thoughts about what I, the Antichrist, should drive, first began in August 2006 when the right door of my Toyota Tercel was bashed in by an unlicensed, uninsured driver in a shopping mall parking lot. After first declaring my car "totaled," the insurance company revised its evaluation to allow for the repair, considering the low miles and otherwise good condition of the vehicle. Nevertheless, as the car never offered a smooth ride, I began in 2007 to shop around for a new vehicle.
Little Deviant In October 2007 I finally settled on a Scion xD, which met my requirements for a short, thrifty versatile vehicle. Scion, a subsidiary of Toyota, introduced the vehicle with a website game in which viewers were invited to play the role of the "Little Deviant" who kills the boring, conformist Sheeple. The choice of victim was apparently inspired by John 10:14-15: "I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me — just as the Father knows me and I know the Father — and I lay down my life for the sheep."
The game featured a Bible-like "Book of Deviants," which opened to show various locations, such as a city street, park and laboratory, where Sheeple were maimed and tortured. The Little Deviant drove from scene to scene in a 2008 Scion xD.
In another Biblical reference, a lone Sheeple stood on the page of the "Book of Deviants" as the narrator asked if this survivor could be the Savior of the Sheeple. The book slammed shut then reopened to show the flattened Lamb of God staggering away from a pool of yellow-green blood.
The game content suggested that the Scion xD was indeed the vehicle for the Antichrist.
Unlike the antihero of the Scion game, I have no interest in personally torturing the sheep of God (or Allah); they are quite capable of tormenting themselves, as witness those Opus Dei members who purportedly wear a ring of spikes, the cilice, around the upper thigh and the Shia Muslims who engage in self-flagellation with chains or blades.
Statues of Jesus suffering on the cross may have a special appeal for devout women, as suggested by this account of the Christ-like torment of the god Prometheus: “He brought fire to the cold clay of mankind, for which he was punished by being chained to a cliff — forever, as I remember it. Every day two eagles flew to him and ate his liver, but as he was immortal, every day he grew it anew. For some strange reason that story gave me a powerful sexual thrill.” — Nancy Friday, Women on Top.
Image Scion xD, Toyota Motor Corp., fair use
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